She took a deep breath. 

“Right behind that door, the moment you walk in, they’re all going to be thinking the same thing.”

Both of were them seated on her either waist, with the diaper bag hanging low on her shoulder. One nibbled at her saree, while the other tugged at her hair.

“Nope. Can’t do this”

She retreated as fast as she could but he stopped her in her path. 

“Need some help? Come let me hold him. You carry her”

Somehow that resonated a feeling of calmness within, and she felt some reassurance that she could get through the morning without too much pain and pity.
__________

The morning was over, time for breakfast. She saw a group of her friends sitting at the usual table. She brought them over ; he helped her again. The familiarity and the comfort, made a genuine smile not too difficult to fake. The kids were mingling well with everyone, allowing her hands to move freely to do what she willed. 

Soon the smile turned into a natural laughter. The comfort of old friends is a gift that is incomparable.

Someone was approaching. 

“Could I talk to you for minute?”

She nodded.

“I’m not saying this to hurt you…”

She had everyone’s attention though no heads turned to notice the conversation company. The vicinity surrounding them grew a little more silent.

“How long has it been since he.. you know.. passed.”
Sigh. “About 5 months I suppose.. I didn’t realise it’s already been 5 months”

“Don’t misunderstand me, but I don’t think a person in your situation should be laughing and giggling with men nearby. Don’t you think you have an image to maintain?”

The room started turning red and she could feel her heartbeat in her eyes. 

“How old am I? Do you know?”
“30 are you?”

“Yes. 30. I’m a 30 year old widow, with twins who are barely 2. I didn’t choose to be one. It’s not a choice I made and neither is it something that I worked hard to achieve, so much so that I have to maintain that image. What do you know of the pain that I feel? Do I have to prove that I’m grieving every minute of everyday”

 A loud squeal of delight as the twins hugged each other. 

She smiled. 

Something felt different inside her. A glow, starting from deep in her stomach, spreading to her heart. 

Breathe in. Breathe out.

“I have 2 choices. One, I can be a widow, mourning the loss of the love of my life, and wishing for every moment that he could be here.”

“By choosing one, all that has actually happened, is that I’ve forgotten my fortune. My fortune – He loved me till his last breath, and he continues living and loving me through my two angels who look like his carbon copy and remind me of him everyday. They’re his gift to me.”

“So forgive me for choosing two. Just because I stopped being a wife, doesn’t mean I’m no longer a mother. All my grieve does, is stop me from loving them the way he would’ve wanted me to.”

“What am I doing? I’m going to laugh, I’m going to smile and I’m going to be merry, to teach my children and show them a little glimpse of what joy my beloved gave me. They need to know what life is supposed to be like. Filled with happiness. I’ll love them more and more through the pain, no matter how much it’s hurting and I’ll love them till it hurts more – so much so that the pain of him not being here, doesn’t sting that much”